If it were the outer world burning
I wouldn’t care to look outside
With all that chaos
My own inner peace feels depleting
All those years of walking
All those years of running to school and college and university
Without a lover by my side
Without a true friend
It all weighs upon me, those lonely memories of the past
It all seems futile
Without a purpose
When I had to put in the last of my efforts
And for what!?
For better grades
For my parents’ class image
Showcasing how intelligent their child is
Because smug parents don’t let go of any chance to boast how they were good at it and that’s why the child is good at it
I excelled because of myself and God
As parents they did only harm
I felt miserable when my parents were boastful
Belittling other kids and their parents
I felt obliged to let go of excellence that meant nothing to me
I felt obliged to earn poor marks
I needed to lag behind, whosoever was envious of my grand studious reputation
Could breathe easy, I am not going in there to compete
Oh how happy I was, I did my part
Look mom and dad, You made me a horse and I ran that race
I won many times
And I’d now like to lose
To look after my own dreams
But look at how parents show their color
When a horse didn’t want to gallop
The horse was tied and beaten
That’s what they did to me
Disobedience still earns nice thrashing at 30 if you are a female child
Disobedience to follow my own heart
So I asked God to allow me this disobedience
If it isn’t His will, Let my will be done by His power
I had to win, and my God knew it
Slavery of all forms cant be acceptable to God
So even if it wasn’t His will in few places
God tried His best to accommodate my will and dreams
That’s how I felt safe at home, when I am alone with God
Happy to have poured out, happy to be the real me, no torture to put up a face to be nice to everyone
I can’t change faces that way, and I can’t be nice all the time with a reason to acquire a spotless reputation
I am safe at home because the doors are closed to protect me from the outer world
– The Librettist